Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation

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(773): View more from Illinois

Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?

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(613): View more from Ontario

Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think I just cured my dogs munchies

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(770): View more from Georgia

They left me at home... I'm a liability

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(407): View more from Florida

The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude

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