Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Send help, water and tortillas.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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