Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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