do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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