Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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