So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
