so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
