i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
