Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
