I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
