Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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