im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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