I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fuck appropriateness.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
