Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't deserve a penis
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
