i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
