Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
