I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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