Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
