your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
