hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
