i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
