and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
