Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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