So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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