My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
