Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
