The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
