I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
