At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
