brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
