I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
