apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
