I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
