I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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