Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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