I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
