He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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