I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
