Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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