if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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