my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
