i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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