you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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