My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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