She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
