We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think my fart just growled at me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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