I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
