spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
