How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
