There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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