He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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