I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
