I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
