You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
