So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's on the porch naked. Help.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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