I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
