If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
