If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
