ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
