this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
