Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
