I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
