She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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