Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
