I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
