stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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