It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
