I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
