i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were destined to go to rehab together
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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