I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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