So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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