cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
